TMOBILE tried to ass rape me this month.
Extra $45. THANKS! So I waste 2 hours of my life on the phone with them while they credit my account.

NOW! My stupid stlonecard from school is restricted because the world is ran by IDIOTS!
They entered the wrong date of birth in for me. THEN they tried to tell me I did it. WTF. I DO NOT FUCKING THINK SOOO. I just spent 30 minutes talking to an adult female with the iq of a peanut. I went to my school admissions office to speak to someone about this.. I freak out & start angrily crying. I WANT MY FUCKING MONEY. YES! MY MONEY! I dropped my Spanish class because I don't want to work too hard. Gimme my refund. mkay.
SO. I spend another 15 minutes on the phone for this lady to tell me to fax over a copy of my id. I DO THIS. Then she says I can log in fine.
GUESS WHAT.
I STILL CANNOT LOG IN.

My spare time is limited. I want to punch walls so bad. I love talking to the most stupidest customer care reps when I could be napping or with friends. NO. I cannot. GRRR!!! RAWRRRR!

/stomp
/fume

Warped Tour melted my face off. It was beyond comprehension.
Don't wanna name drop but my friends are

THE BEST

My PC is fixed. I almost bought a brand new one too. JEEZ.
The video card was loose. That was it! Whoa. I'm so CPU ignorant.
ha ha. I now just need some speakers since my shady family boosted my $150+ speaker/sub woofer combo I did possess. OH! And I am shopping around for intranet possibilities.


I have a second job. I now work at an adult novelty boutique. It is such an exhilaration.
School started Tuesday. WOO! I like all of my classes. I have Humanities with JROCK!

Of course I like a boy. I am boy crazy.. or rather I just crush a lot. It ends there too ha ha. I'm such a basket case in that section.

The dreams! Ahh the dreams are beyond amazing. I have them almost every night..

One with Godzilla attacking "my" apartment complex & I am hanging with my sensei Tracy Morgan. He tells me to jump on the roof. Fuck that shit. Godzilla was being all.. "Rapture"/ runs through building/mosh mosh destroy.
I'm a g but I'm not a legendary retard.

Last nights time was completely awesomeee. I was hanging out with Seth Green. He was my boss.. I was wearing some odd clothes. He started to mistreat me & I threatened to sue. It was winter... it felt so real.

I also had this weird dream about birds. I was in this old house that was "mine". (It was almost as huge as Melinda Bennington's mansion in Chatham..)

But I had to hunt to capture birds, all exotic types. In my normal neighborhood.. My manager from work told me to lure them with these vitamins.. Haha it worked. I know this one is boring and if you're still reading! The next day at the bus stop..(real life) a bird pooped on my rft while I was reading it.

And this man was talking about his expired medicine eating his bones. I told him about how energy drinks really do that! & then he tells me about the weather control device that NASA has in space. FYI that's why Katrina happened. This guy was an o g conspiracy theoriest.

Who was the last male you hung out with? Joey

What are you looking forward to the most? Finishing my peacock

Last person you cuddled with? Joey

What are you doing tomorrow? Work & then shit. I made promises with 3 different people. Bah!

Who's your last text from and what does it say? William : "playing a video game"

Last person you had a deep conversation with? Tons of people at Danny's birthday. I was a lil tipsy.

Are you afraid of the future? I welcome it. :)

How has this week been? Smooth.

Who were you last on the phone with? My dad calling about the progress of my car.

Who's your last missed call from? Mandee

Do you believe in true love? Yeah. its faithful as well as unconditional.

Do you have one best friend, or a lot of good friends?I have a couple best friends... and I'm also lucky to have a tremendous amount of really good friends

If you could have a plane ticket to anywhere right now, where would you go? I hope its round-trip haha but I would go to want to Chicago to be an extra in the new Nightmare on Elm Street movie

Has anyone ever given you jewelry on Christmas? Yups. The 1st thing I remember was a stylish Winnie the Pooh watch that had to be worth like $40 from my Aunt.

Do you count down the days till anything? Tons of stuff but mainly concerts.

Think back four months ago, were you single?
Hell yes I was. & I don't care to mingle. Most of guy "looking" are tools.

Who were you dating? No one steady. Maybe Alan.

What do you prefer skittles or starbursts?
Starbursts & I'm cliche`. I love the reds & pinks. They also have gummy filled starbursts. HollA.

How are you feeling right now?
Tired mixed with serenity.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I kinda hope not. :/

Were you happy when you woke up today? Why/Why not? yup. It was early enough to exercise & clean &&&& coz I kissed a boy & I liked it hahaha /punch

How do you feel about chocolate covered strawberries? Crown Candy exclusive

How do you vent anger?
I create fucked up master plans, tweet tweet, and turrets.

Do you believe every thing happens for a reason?
Indefinitely!

Think a lot before you sleep? Not really, I used to do that a lot when I was younger.

Do you believe that every one has a soul-mate?
I hope we have more than one. I lost mine. /cut
Haha. I know its emo but its honest.

When in your life have you been the happiest?
When Thom was alive. Well, when Thom & my mom were alive. It sucks I lost him 3 months after her.

What are you listening to right now? Well, The Weakerthans are in my cd player.

Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle? Haha too many times. Once I lost my shoes & considered them forfeit.

Do you like winter? Yes. Its my birthday & snow!

Are you in a band? I'm in a couple bands on rockstar :P

What color are your eyes?
Blue-green

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Depends on the driver & county hahaha fuck the police

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight?
I hope no one calls me.

Was today a good day?
Hell yes but I'm tired.

Do you get mad easily?
No. But when I do, I woooo saaaa.

What woke you up this morning?
My internal clock.

Do you take compliments well?
I blush or giggle.

In the past week how many times have you cried? 3 for Lost characters, 3 times for dead loved ones. They are neck in neck to my heart! ;)

Last thing you ate? Papas Fritas. I tried to hold off.

When was the last time you were told you were cute?
Maybe this morning but I didn't want to take my headphones off. Jesus fuck don't hit on me EVER when I'm jamming. I almost cursed him out.

On average, what do you think you cry about the most? Lost characters dying or showing emotion. This show is my crack cocaine at the moment.

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning? In the afternoon

If your last ex said they hate you, you say?
Don't hate, appreciate.

How did your day go yesterday? Jam packed.

Who was the last person you saw who wasn't family?
Juan gave me a ride home from work.

Think back to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them in your house?
Yes.

Have you kissed the same person more than 20 times in 09?
Technically, yes.

Ever felt like you are not good enough?
Emo! I used to when I was in a horrible relationship. I'm soo over that. I'm soo self motivated now.

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
I think he does.. even if he cares for one thing on me. Technically speaking again. Hahaha.

Has anyone upset you in the last week?
Illiterate customers that can't read.. I.e. The fucking menu

Do you miss anyone?
All the time.

Have you ever pierced someone?
I've pierced myself.

Did you ever waste too much time on someone?
Well, it wasn't wasted because I grew & learned things along the way.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? Yup

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment?
Sometimes. I feel like I have to say something back.

Do you want your life to stay the way it is right
now forever?
Not forever but I'm happy with my self at this moment.

Anyone of the opposite sex been on your mind today?
Kinda x)

Have you ever fallen asleep with them?
Nope

Are you nice to everyone?
Initially.

Last December, what was your love life like?
Weird.

Who is someone you wish you could fix things with?
The "photo tech" lady at Walgreens. I went ape shit on her & talked to her like a mentally slow person one day.. I see her all the time. Awkward.

Did your parents spoil you as a child?
my mom did everything for us & got us whatever we wanted. She was the bestestssss

What did you do on New Years Eve?
Chimichungas! & Jo$h's bash

Do you like funny people or serious people?
Funny people are more my flava

Are you wearing any make up right now?
Smudged eyeliner maybe

What kind of shirt are you wearing, and where is it from?
I have a bikini top on & I think I got it 8 years ago from Fashion Bug hahaha before the Metallica concert

What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
Dump his no good ass... but not before rimming the toilet with his toothbrush. That's kinda my thing ;)

Is there any emotion you're trying to avoid right now?
Infatuated

Ever kissed in the rain?
Nope

Have you ever walked in on people having sex?
Omg! Yes! Awkward & hilarious.

What does your hair look like right now?
Ponytail trainwreck

Are you dressed up today?
I'm dressed down since Saint Louis is a lavapit

If you could travel anywhere in the universe, where would you go?
Germany

Is a best friend/boyfriend/girlfriend or ex pissing you off at the moment?


Have you ever looked someone straight in the eyes and told them a lie?
Yes.

What was the last thing your lips touched?
My face towel

If the last person you kissed tell you they hate you, you say?
I have those incriminating photos!

At one point in your life did you not wanna give up on someone?
Yes. My fighter. My mom.


Who's the last person you talked to in person?
Well, Juan dropped me off so it would be him.

Do you want to see someone?
Yes. Yes I do.

Are you in a good mood?
Its corny. Yupp

Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your bf/gf?
Fuck them lames

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
8 months ago

Are your eyes the same color as your mom's or dad's?
Its a hybrid of the 2

Will you be in a relationship next month?
I hope not.

Having tons of personal weird shit going on with myself & the realization that I am a magnet for strange happenings as well as people.

-I cook a lot.
-My SNES is fully hooked up & I play my Tetris Attack! almost daily.
- I record 70's & 80's punk rock off of KDHX.
- Miracle Grow works. You should see my flowers. However there aren't any flowers just yet...

.Friday.

Abby's birthday. 10+girls from work went to see The Thunder From Down Under at the Lumiere Casino. It was insane. One sat on my lap & another took Daphne on stage. Elevators broke so we had to hike in high heels. (My thighs feel killer today)

Saturday.
Danny's birthday party. Tons of fun. Laura! Being asked if my boobs were really like that or did I have a corset on? Then told I must have a corset on... Then this same fuck told me, "so I hear you & _______ were dating."

As to if its any of his business, "yeah, something like that... " to him proclaiming I was dating a boy, not a man ;)

This douchebag falls asleep & my friend, Amanda & I draw a penis entering his mouth.
We precede to draw all over him. I drew a monacle. Haha. Good times.

+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+

I need new tattoos & clothes.

Almost dying..
I've become even more of a hermit.
Addiction to Lost, besides Jack & Charlie...

Mandee convinced me to go out. We got Taco Bell .. where I went off on the old man for getting snippy because he's ignorant with his 7th grade education.. We saw Dance Flick. I love the Wayans. Haha. Seriously.

We went out afterwards for dancing & karaoke. "Boyz in the hood" by NWA bitches.
Hottest guy in the place starts to talk to me & my cousin James shows up. Weird. They're related.. Uh... he's my cousins cousin. No thanks. Big confidence booster though. 60 lbs since May. Suck my left nut.

The realization that my 1st bf reminds me of Pauly Shore. Ew.

This last week I have been experiencing the most intense anxiety. I haven't had this kind of hardship since he passed away.

I don't know what exactly triggered this episode but I am having trouble breathing when I think of the future.
Maybe its finals & all of my projects being due in a mere week.

I would love to just pack up & leave, forever, to the East Coast. I'm a realist & that's a joke right now. I need to finish college before I can take any extreme measures. Who wants to move with me? :)

Death Cab For Cutie's my medicine right now... I need to just breathe & relax. phew

Yesterday I sat for 5 hours while Amanda Pepper tattooed a beautiful peacock on me chest. We didn't finish but its almost complete.
I'm really happy with it... and it brings my total to 18 tattoos. Wow.

Suzi met me at Lemon Grass were I quickly ate my Sesame Tofu. I can't believe it had been so long since I've enjoyed that..

We headed to Pop's for the AP tour where we met up with Will, Mary, Duck (Lauren), her bf Chris, Jessica, Megan and her whole gang of 4 people including her funny brosef& Erin. Wow again. We mob deep. The grownups hung together while our underage friends danced around a lot .. Suzi & I acted a fool when 3OH!3 came on.

Chris called us the bruise brigade well.. Basically coz we keep it real.. People would constantly try & squeeze by me. I created this personal space bubble that I'd push people if they touched it.. I don't want to infect my peacock with gross stranger sweat.

Anywayssss.

After the show we talked to Nick Thompson to whom I will say is an awesome person. Hit the Lights is muh shit. California cows, cadbury bunnies... punchin sammiches.. And WARPED TOUR! .ahahah. I can't wait. John-o was a nice guy & Suzi got her noodle dance. High fives & creeper pictures.
Nate from 3OH!3 is NAT. No e. Just fyi &&&

Denny's picture memories. People need to get on our plane.

Now. We are deciding whether or not to go to KC's warped this year. This summer line up & the friends we have on tour is out of this world.
Holy fuck. One giant good time. I wonderr if Against Me! Is on it.. Hrmmm.

I'm confused about a lot of directions to take as of yesterday........ fuck it. And. I am hanging with some old guy friends Saturday. I'm stoked.

Don't get mad over words. If someone calls me babe.. Wow. I'm going to have to stop talking to you.

Tomorrow is 3OH!3 & my chest piece appointment.
I am peeing myself.


I'm so tired but life is good.

I still love the apartment.. doing flare projects.

I went to the Ting Tings last Friday. It was fun times.
My brother & I hang out a lot. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hopefully soon i will be getting my pc hooked up in my place. I'm going crazy without it.

I watch a lot of regular television when I'm not hanging out with Alan and Danny.

Easter was blah.. no good food. My work gave me a bonus, ham, & another bonus. Life is grrrrrand.

I am scared.
Dead time.

I hate waking up at 3am to the feeling of something forcing me down.
No ability to move.. Frozen.
Sleep paralysis?
I think not.

My cat wouldn't hiss.

Okies. My spring break was filled with work besides a few sweet hangs with my friends.

The caretaker of my building gave me a nice bicycle.
Hooray!

I got bored so I cut my bangs.
I was inspired by the ever so lovely character, Laurie Jupiter.


Yet, I can't help but feel as if I'm channeling Xena: Warrior Princess.

I have so much fun playing uno & pictionary with alan, danny, & preston. I'm a dork.

My apartment is awesome!
Its coming along great. I can't believe its been a whole month. I couldn't be more happy that I'm on the 3rd floor. The exercise is great.

In 2 weeks I have another tattoo apppointment. Woot

School is goooood. I have 2 tests Tuesday and a mid term next Thursday. :/

I'm 2/3 moved in! All I need is my bookcases, media center, & my stored clothes. W00t.
Last night Suzi helped me with a ton of stuff. She gave me her old ipod. I am soo fortunate to have an awesome friend like her.

I'm currently stalking my laundry in the basement since some old hag dumped my shit on the table. I was 2 minutes late & she is now occupying everything. I'd like to see her take my comforter from the dryer with me sitting here. Hrm.

David is back! This is great news. I can get my right sleeve finished after my chest piece is started from Amanda pants. My money is going straight to rent & tattoos. Muah.

I am hanging out with him this weekend! Ahh! I'm sooo nervous& butterflies & & &&& :)
I'm glad I was bold & suggested we exchange numbers Saturday.


I'm wearing a new pair of jeans I bought 5 weeks ago that I couldn't fit into.

I walk up& down my 3 flights of stairs almost 5 times daily. ^^
I have more vegan tendenacies & my loved ones are concerned. We know a 32 year old veggie man that shattered his hand from the force of the lug nut when he was changing a tire. His doctor told him it was because of him not eating meat. This is my life. I've been one for so long. I can't imagine doing anything else.

OHH! He is converting to being veggie. Wow. Haha ;) anyways.

I've been eating salads a lot. I sparingly eat fried foods. Maybe once a week, if that. I feel invincible.

Hrm. Where to start?

The bad:

My car is still sitting.
I'm so busy with school, working 40+, & attempting a social life, that hours of sunlight run out. I need the light to see..to be able to fix it.

Bennington doesn't want me to ever leave him alone in my new apartment. He's so scared. He shakes & hides when he can't find me.

The good:

As I said above, I have a new apartment. Its great. I'm in love with it. I like being a bum & hanging with my kitty while we watch tv.

David Page is driving back to Saint Louis as I'm typing this!!!!!!!

I like someone and he likes me. As corny as that sounds.. It makes me feel twice as corny. It makes me smile for hours.


I cannot wait for spring break!
My tattoo will happen in 17 days.. He might be mad :/

I definitely love life.
Mardi Gras was a fun time. Mandee is my girl.

I saw Friday the 13th with Danny. I wanna be bad... haha Willa Ford's acting is hilarious.


Ohh! My apartment is on the 3rd floor. I run up it at least 4 times daily. Thai Kickboxing will finally happen soon!
I have my pilates dvd & circle all handy!


<3 <3 <3 <3
I could explode with happiness right now

Forever & a day, I've been mentally abused by him. Probably since birth, I still love him, he's my father.

Its fucked up to receive a phone call for the sake of making me cry. I was strong & held off the tears until I was off the phone.

He addressed the gossip that he's heard through a 3rd party about my drinking.. (Which is socially.) All the while he is intoxicated! Fuck. Saying that I am out of control & need him to save me.

Puhhlease. I am so in control of everything. I don't even have time to drink (if I wanted to) with my busy schedule. AND!! You've never fucking helped me. Truly. Why would I expect you to when you are having your own personal crisis..

Help would've been nice when I was FUCKING 16. Thanks.

Yada yada. Don't wanna burn my dad too much. I do care about him & would spit in someone's face if they dared to bring these things up to me in person (unless we are true friends.) I do not seek pity. I am venting & trying to release my angst.

I ask him why he's the only one working to pay bills. He tells me, "well honey, hannah is a college student"

( what the fuck did you just say to me?
She doesn't have to work since she's in college? Excuse me? Hold the fucking phone? You mean its okay for me to work to support you when I'm in high school but..)

"That's bullshit! I'm a college student. I was working 2 jobs & now I have only one..."

"She's pregnant.."

"She wasn't always pregnant. She's just fucking lazy! I still get A's & I work my fucking ass off. I don't waste my time"

I want to punch walls.

Last night I had the privilege of talking to a dear friend.

It made me reflect on myself.
She praised my mental stability in the sense that everything I've endured during the latter course of my life, have not taken a toll on my normal functioning.

Today, while I was en route to school. I started thinking about him .
The effect his death had on almost all of my east coast friends' life, changed us forever.
It's unfortunate I had to deal with it solely, without the comfort of their aid & memories.

Wow. I just almost started to ball. I'm learning to control my emotions again.
It has some of my close friends telling me I have potential at being an actress.
(LAUGH!)

The smells of my school's stairwell reminds me of Philly's train stations.


It's not that no one will ever be him. (& I apologize for my weak attempt with a loser)
But it's the mere fact that they have to live up to how he treated me.

Respect at the utmost.
Unforced romantic reminders of his feelings.
Undivided attention, just staying true to himself.
Cultured & open minded, never degrading.
Perfectly well-rounded and wise.
Practical & realistic.


I'm not hung up. I'm glad I experienced the time I did have with him for he has helped me create a bar that will guide me whenever I lose sight.

As I sit here, listening to The Misfits, I always listened to them while showering in New Jersey when I lived there.. I cannot help but smile.

I do not seek companionship.
It will eventually happen.. in the best way possible.. unforced and meant to be.

February 4th was my brother's birthday.
I plan on taking him out to dinner tonight & we're having a small gathering Friday night with his friends, bowling & dancing.
I would be lost without this lil fucker in my life.

Through everything we've been through, I can still tell him any and everything.

My mom would be so proud of him.
I am proud of him.

Okies. Now I'm getting a bit misty. ha.



I played the Resident Evil 5 demo and it's co op. I just cannot wait for it to come out in March. AHH! I will definitely be needing to buy myself a PS3 for my apartment.

Since school started, everything's been roses.
I enjoy all of my classes.

College Composition II - I'm pretty sure my first essay was an A.

Af. Amer. History II - I have an essay due Tuesday that is CAKE!

College Algebra - I have a test Tuesday but in the meantime all of my quizes have resulted in 100%

Tuesday, I also start my late(r) start class of Oral Communication.


My last class ends at 4. This is awesome. It's a whole evening off!
I'm getting spoiled from being off on the evenings.
I spoke my mind at work & I am currently, day shift/mid-day shift only.
I haven't closed in more than 6 weeks.
I don't want to be in an environment with lazy people and those that are full blown alcoholics.


It's been too cold to fix my car so she is still sitting, waiting for me to play with her.

I have a scheduled appointment to view an apartment Saturday.
It's in Soulard, only 2 blocks away from my job, as well as 2 blocks from a bus route that goes directly to my campus here at Forest Park. (Just in case my car has multiple problems in the future)
It's reasonably priced with a dining room & lots of other benefits. I'm not used to being on my own solely the way this place would make me..
I've been looking at other possible apartments that are more on South Grand AKA My turf.
These apartments are even more reasonable& include amenities. The only one I need to supply is internet. CAT FRIENDLY!

I'm already stoked to find Bennington a brother. A tiny widdle kitty to keep him company! I'm so excited! I already picked out a shower curtain! HAHA.
I simply cannot live at the place that I am currently residing in.
It's mad! I realize I save close to $900 a month here but jeez. I want to be able to walk around in the buff or just straight up dance around with my cat.. make dinner without people asking me for stuff. arghh! AND THE FUCKING CHEWING! SLURPING! HEATHENS!

That was my vent and ultimately my reasoning for not wanting a roommate.

When I go in for my viewing of the apt near my job, I will low ball. I can(&already have) find/found a similar place with more benefits. The excitment! AHH! One of the places is next to a 24 hour diner. Fo shizzle.

I want to try and get my car fixed first. Priorities.

Sorry for the lack of comments and updates. I still don't have the intraweb. I use my cellphone but sometimes it's very frustrating to even update, let alone attempt communication via browser.


School starts Tuesday. My homie gets sworn into office Tuesday. Ohh yes. This also means I will be bored at school on the pc more! Woot!

Heath Ledger won a Golden Globe! Hell yes! I'm excited for the Oscars! <3 He deserves it.

Its official. My car's starter is the root of all evil. Its recorded temperature at the moment is close to zero with a negative wind chill. I would never ask a relative to fix my vehicle in these circumstances. I've been walking to work almost everyday for a month.

And ya know what? I'm happy about it! I feel so energetic. Yesterday, while walking to work with 3 pants & 3 shirts on I smiled the entire walk while I listening to my Cure mix cd. The cold didn't even effect me.

Sometimes I want to throw bricks at cars. Just because I have breasts and I'm walking down the street doesn't mean I'm a hooker. Hahaa. Fuckers. I like being Moses.

Playing video games until odd hours.
We're speaking of getting our own place soon.


Countdown for everything.
I've never been more excited. Each day, I'm closer to you. Closer to death.

Finding out tiny mysteries can sometimes turn them even smaller.

Breathing under the covers is one of my quirks. The warmth is overwhelming at times.

The Land Before Time is one of the best movies ever made. Little Foot is one of the cutest long necks in history. (Its documented science)




I'm reading Eragon. Its ironic how much I dislike dragons yet the first short story I ever composed was about me buying a pet dragon from Pass Pets when I was in kindergarten.

FYI. Complete disclaimer.

I was learning German for my heritage. Not for some lame stalker trait for the band Tokio Hotel. Fuck. Give me some credit. I have a life.

Even if I am dying. I still wanna try and be vegan, even if its for a week. So. D-day is Thursday, January 23rd. I will know if I have cancer by then