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Tomorrow is 3OH!3 & my chest piece appointment.
I am peeing myself.

I'm so tired but life is good.

I still love the apartment.. doing flare projects.

I went to the Ting Tings last Friday. It was fun times.
My brother & I hang out a lot. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hopefully soon i will be getting my pc hooked up in my place. I'm going crazy without it.

I watch a lot of regular television when I'm not hanging out with Alan and Danny.

Easter was blah.. no good food. My work gave me a bonus, ham, & another bonus. Life is grrrrrand.

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I am scared.
Dead time.

I hate waking up at 3am to the feeling of something forcing me down.
No ability to move.. Frozen.
Sleep paralysis?
I think not.

My cat wouldn't hiss.


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Mar. 31st, 2009

Okies. My spring break was filled with work besides a few sweet hangs with my friends.

The caretaker of my building gave me a nice bicycle.

I got bored so I cut my bangs.
I was inspired by the ever so lovely character, Laurie Jupiter.

Yet, I can't help but feel as if I'm channeling Xena: Warrior Princess.

I have so much fun playing uno & pictionary with alan, danny, & preston. I'm a dork.

My apartment is awesome!
Its coming along great. I can't believe its been a whole month. I couldn't be more happy that I'm on the 3rd floor. The exercise is great.

In 2 weeks I have another tattoo apppointment. Woot

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daniel san

School is goooood. I have 2 tests Tuesday and a mid term next Thursday. :/

I'm 2/3 moved in! All I need is my bookcases, media center, & my stored clothes. W00t.
Last night Suzi helped me with a ton of stuff. She gave me her old ipod. I am soo fortunate to have an awesome friend like her.

I'm currently stalking my laundry in the basement since some old hag dumped my shit on the table. I was 2 minutes late & she is now occupying everything. I'd like to see her take my comforter from the dryer with me sitting here. Hrm.

David is back! This is great news. I can get my right sleeve finished after my chest piece is started from Amanda pants. My money is going straight to rent & tattoos. Muah.

I am hanging out with him this weekend! Ahh! I'm sooo nervous& butterflies & & &&& :)
I'm glad I was bold & suggested we exchange numbers Saturday.

I'm wearing a new pair of jeans I bought 5 weeks ago that I couldn't fit into.

I walk up& down my 3 flights of stairs almost 5 times daily. ^^
I have more vegan tendenacies & my loved ones are concerned. We know a 32 year old veggie man that shattered his hand from the force of the lug nut when he was changing a tire. His doctor told him it was because of him not eating meat. This is my life. I've been one for so long. I can't imagine doing anything else.

OHH! He is converting to being veggie. Wow. Haha ;) anyways.

I've been eating salads a lot. I sparingly eat fried foods. Maybe once a week, if that. I feel invincible.

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slow hands

Hrm. Where to start?

The bad:

My car is still sitting.
I'm so busy with school, working 40+, & attempting a social life, that hours of sunlight run out. I need the light to see..to be able to fix it.

Bennington doesn't want me to ever leave him alone in my new apartment. He's so scared. He shakes & hides when he can't find me.

The good:

As I said above, I have a new apartment. Its great. I'm in love with it. I like being a bum & hanging with my kitty while we watch tv.

David Page is driving back to Saint Louis as I'm typing this!!!!!!!

I like someone and he likes me. As corny as that sounds.. It makes me feel twice as corny. It makes me smile for hours.

I cannot wait for spring break!
My tattoo will happen in 17 days.. He might be mad :/

I definitely love life.
Mardi Gras was a fun time. Mandee is my girl.

I saw Friday the 13th with Danny. I wanna be bad... haha Willa Ford's acting is hilarious.

Ohh! My apartment is on the 3rd floor. I run up it at least 4 times daily. Thai Kickboxing will finally happen soon!
I have my pilates dvd & circle all handy!

<3 <3 <3 <3
I could explode with happiness right now

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eat twat

Forever & a day, I've been mentally abused by him. Probably since birth, I still love him, he's my father.

Its fucked up to receive a phone call for the sake of making me cry. I was strong & held off the tears until I was off the phone.

He addressed the gossip that he's heard through a 3rd party about my drinking.. (Which is socially.) All the while he is intoxicated! Fuck. Saying that I am out of control & need him to save me.

Puhhlease. I am so in control of everything. I don't even have time to drink (if I wanted to) with my busy schedule. AND!! You've never fucking helped me. Truly. Why would I expect you to when you are having your own personal crisis..

Help would've been nice when I was FUCKING 16. Thanks.

Yada yada. Don't wanna burn my dad too much. I do care about him & would spit in someone's face if they dared to bring these things up to me in person (unless we are true friends.) I do not seek pity. I am venting & trying to release my angst.

I ask him why he's the only one working to pay bills. He tells me, "well honey, hannah is a college student"

( what the fuck did you just say to me?
She doesn't have to work since she's in college? Excuse me? Hold the fucking phone? You mean its okay for me to work to support you when I'm in high school but..)

"That's bullshit! I'm a college student. I was working 2 jobs & now I have only one..."

"She's pregnant.."

"She wasn't always pregnant. She's just fucking lazy! I still get A's & I work my fucking ass off. I don't waste my time"

I want to punch walls.

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Long Rifle

Last night I had the privilege of talking to a dear friend.

It made me reflect on myself.
She praised my mental stability in the sense that everything I've endured during the latter course of my life, have not taken a toll on my normal functioning.

Today, while I was en route to school. I started thinking about him .
The effect his death had on almost all of my east coast friends' life, changed us forever.
It's unfortunate I had to deal with it solely, without the comfort of their aid & memories.

Wow. I just almost started to ball. I'm learning to control my emotions again.
It has some of my close friends telling me I have potential at being an actress.

The smells of my school's stairwell reminds me of Philly's train stations.

It's not that no one will ever be him. (& I apologize for my weak attempt with a loser)
But it's the mere fact that they have to live up to how he treated me.

Respect at the utmost.
Unforced romantic reminders of his feelings.
Undivided attention, just staying true to himself.
Cultured & open minded, never degrading.
Perfectly well-rounded and wise.
Practical & realistic.

I'm not hung up. I'm glad I experienced the time I did have with him for he has helped me create a bar that will guide me whenever I lose sight.

As I sit here, listening to The Misfits, I always listened to them while showering in New Jersey when I lived there.. I cannot help but smile.

I do not seek companionship.
It will eventually happen.. in the best way possible.. unforced and meant to be.

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King Pin

February 4th was my brother's birthday.
I plan on taking him out to dinner tonight & we're having a small gathering Friday night with his friends, bowling & dancing.
I would be lost without this lil fucker in my life.

Through everything we've been through, I can still tell him any and everything.

My mom would be so proud of him.
I am proud of him.

Okies. Now I'm getting a bit misty. ha.

I played the Resident Evil 5 demo and it's co op. I just cannot wait for it to come out in March. AHH! I will definitely be needing to buy myself a PS3 for my apartment.

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Since school started, everything's been roses.
I enjoy all of my classes.

College Composition II - I'm pretty sure my first essay was an A.

Af. Amer. History II - I have an essay due Tuesday that is CAKE!

College Algebra - I have a test Tuesday but in the meantime all of my quizes have resulted in 100%

Tuesday, I also start my late(r) start class of Oral Communication.

My last class ends at 4. This is awesome. It's a whole evening off!
I'm getting spoiled from being off on the evenings.
I spoke my mind at work & I am currently, day shift/mid-day shift only.
I haven't closed in more than 6 weeks.
I don't want to be in an environment with lazy people and those that are full blown alcoholics.

It's been too cold to fix my car so she is still sitting, waiting for me to play with her.

I have a scheduled appointment to view an apartment Saturday.
It's in Soulard, only 2 blocks away from my job, as well as 2 blocks from a bus route that goes directly to my campus here at Forest Park. (Just in case my car has multiple problems in the future)
It's reasonably priced with a dining room & lots of other benefits. I'm not used to being on my own solely the way this place would make me..
I've been looking at other possible apartments that are more on South Grand AKA My turf.
These apartments are even more reasonable& include amenities. The only one I need to supply is internet. CAT FRIENDLY!

I'm already stoked to find Bennington a brother. A tiny widdle kitty to keep him company! I'm so excited! I already picked out a shower curtain! HAHA.
I simply cannot live at the place that I am currently residing in.
It's mad! I realize I save close to $900 a month here but jeez. I want to be able to walk around in the buff or just straight up dance around with my cat.. make dinner without people asking me for stuff. arghh! AND THE FUCKING CHEWING! SLURPING! HEATHENS!

That was my vent and ultimately my reasoning for not wanting a roommate.

When I go in for my viewing of the apt near my job, I will low ball. I can(&already have) find/found a similar place with more benefits. The excitment! AHH! One of the places is next to a 24 hour diner. Fo shizzle.

I want to try and get my car fixed first. Priorities.

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Good bye sugar coneeee

Sorry for the lack of comments and updates. I still don't have the intraweb. I use my cellphone but sometimes it's very frustrating to even update, let alone attempt communication via browser.

School starts Tuesday. My homie gets sworn into office Tuesday. Ohh yes. This also means I will be bored at school on the pc more! Woot!

Heath Ledger won a Golden Globe! Hell yes! I'm excited for the Oscars! <3 He deserves it.

Its official. My car's starter is the root of all evil. Its recorded temperature at the moment is close to zero with a negative wind chill. I would never ask a relative to fix my vehicle in these circumstances. I've been walking to work almost everyday for a month.

And ya know what? I'm happy about it! I feel so energetic. Yesterday, while walking to work with 3 pants & 3 shirts on I smiled the entire walk while I listening to my Cure mix cd. The cold didn't even effect me.

Sometimes I want to throw bricks at cars. Just because I have breasts and I'm walking down the street doesn't mean I'm a hooker. Hahaa. Fuckers. I like being Moses.

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Latest Month

October 2010

Mystery Girl

Not a day goes by I wanna disappear

Into her eyes a mother pearl

and my head feels dead with all this useless fighting

But my heart ain't dead cause it keeps on loving

The girl hit hard like a barracuda baby

She floated on air like a crest of wave

She was a primal institution, she was a danger to herself, yeah!

Mad loving by the cold hearted

take a deep breath babe cause we just started

"Go ahead and build a better a messiah, we can dig
another grave"

This is your calling

If you are hearing this, there is nothing I can do

Something has grown out of my chest.

I have seen it.

It is hard and cold.

It has been dormant for many years.

We are trying to save you, I have come to save you.

This is what you deserve,
this is what we deserve

This is something we have brought upon ourselves.

We are not a victim, you are not a victim.

We are not a victim, you are not a victim.

God will grovel before me.

God will crawl at my feet.

And the time is this

And the time is...

When you are suffering, know that I have betrayed you...

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